Children and Divorce

Divorce is always difficult and often acrimonious for parents, but there is no reason to impose your difficulties and strife on your children, especially younger children. You should never make your children pawns in these battles, and you should be on your guard against doing so inadvertently.

Some parents make the mistake of saying too little about their marital problems, but others say far too much. If a parent talks to a school-age child about their spouse's extra-marital affair, it is not only inappropriate, but it is also harmful. It puts terrible pressure on a child to feel that his love for one parent is an act of disloyalty to the other.

If you are unsure about how to explain a divorce to your children, you can speak with someone who can help you to do this in a sensitive and reassuring way.

You should never put your children in a situation where they have to choose between parents. For example, even after custody arrangements have been worked out, it's wrong to ask young children with whom they would rather spend time. To you it may seem like you are simply asking about just one afternoon or just one weekend, but from the child's perspective, they are being asked to state a preference, and that only adds to their burden in coping with divorce.

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