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Guide 2 Parenting   >   Spanking

Should I Spank My Child?


Are you frustrated by your child hitting other kids? Perhaps your child has even hit you? This kind of situation is awkward, and when other punishments don't work, you may feel that you have no other options but to spank your child. But guess what? Your child will probably start misbehaving again the same way, the very next day.

Lots of parents have found themselves in this situation. One thing leads to another, misbehavior escalates, and the end result is you spanking him. The problem is that although spanking may temporary relieve the situation, it also teaches your child that hitting is okay. How can you expect to teach your children that it is not alright to hurt others if you continue to hut them?

The first thing to think about is why your child is hitting. Understanding why is important - although of course that should not mean that you are justifying your child's bad behavior. So what is the reason? It's usually because their feelings are hurt. Your child may feel that he needs help from, and is lashing out when he isn't getting the help.

You of course want your child to treat others respectfully, and may even worry that bad behavior is a reflection on your as a parent. No matter how frustrated you are, the answer does not involve overreacting and treating your child disrespectfully out of shame and embarrassment. The answer does not involve trying to show other adults, that you won't let your child get away with this behavior. Look at it from another perspective: it's not about embarrassed, ashamed, and even hurt you might feel it's about how you can teach your child to behave more appropriately.

Here are some alternatives to spanking:-
  1. Establish a positive "time-out spot" for your child. When you child is misbehaving, you can say "If you are angry then would it help if you went to your time-out place now?"

  2. Take your child's hand and say "I am sorry that your feelings are hurt. How are you feeling? You can talk about it or you can hit a pillow, but do not hit people. People are not for hitting, do you understand?"

  3. After the child has calmed down, sit down with him and create a soothing and loving atmosphere. You need to talk, and you can begin this process by asking a lot of "why" questions and "how" questions. Let your child how he feels and teach him that communication is a much better way to deal with their emotions than hitting out.



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